ch-ch-ch-ch-changes

change is inevitable - except from a vending machine. ~robert c. gallagher

meh. change. i feel like this is one topic that is always on my mind. just when i feel things start to make sense, God shows me i have much to learn. example:

- i graduated from longwood this past may. i was planning on working as a nanny throughout the summer to earn some money. BAM! i get mono. no summer job for me.

i spent several weeks feeling miserable. then, to top it off, my spleen was enlarged. this prevented me from being a possible nanny candidate. after applying for other jobs, i found there weren't many openings. awesome. so what was i to do? i picked up random photography jobs here and there, some occasional house-sitting jobs and the pleasure of chauffeuring my nana around. way to go college grad. i sure know how to make my parents proud.

in spite of my recent luck, i still tried to plan out my next steps towards my future. should i look into finding a job as my career? did i need to tackle grad school first? was running away to the circus my best option? these are the thoughts that haunted me at night. i finally got my act together and sent everything in to the school i wanted to attend. i was hoping to take online classes and find a job once the school semester started. i figured that would be a secure plan and a smart choice towards my future. ha. wrong again.

less than a week after applying to grad school i got my first ever rejection letter. ouch! i was really bummed when i received it. what was i going to do now?! i couldn't even get into an online program. i must have been a huge failure. not even three months out of college and my life was already swirling down the toilet.

don't worry, i didn't sulk about it for too long. i had to focus on other things, like my parent's constant fighting. oh yeah, they're on the border of ending their marriage. how can you throw away 25+ years of marriage? i have no idea. all i know is, the people who are supposed to be adults sure do act a lot like high school students. i'm just sayin'. high school never ends. don't you forget it.

needless to say, a lot of metamorphosis has been taking place in my life. yes, it's very scary and sometimes it's hard for me to go to sleep at night with all the worst-case scenarios that roam through my head. guess what? i'm okay. i have grown so much this past year and learned that God is the One in control of my life. once again, i can't plan out everything i would like to happen in my life because it might not coincide with the better plans He has in store for me. time after time i try to take control and God has to constantly step in to give me that reality check.

i am just me. the only reason i am here is for Him. He created me for a purpose and i can't lose sight of that. that thought alone gives me peace. i know that at the end of the day i am in His hands and everything is going to be okay. i may not know what my future holds, but i do know Who holds my future. i am perfectly okay with that. i was created to love Him and to bring glory to Him. that is my sole purpose on this earth. everything that He has planned for me is what is best. i just have to trust Him.

that being said, feel free to remind me of that whenever i have a mini panic-attack about where i am supposed to be and what i'm meant to do with my life.

i'm going for a job interview on tuesday to hopefully work at a daycare. whatever the outcome, i'll know that it's all part of God's plan.

wow! that was really long-winded. thanks for suffering through. i hope you have a wonderful day. may God bless you and keep you. have some faith. He will never let you down. <3

lowercase letters

ello there.

let's see how long this blog kick lasts. i normally write about three entries and give up. maybe this one will be different? maybe it will be the same as before? we'll never know 'til we try. here goes nothing...